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1. admin says:

   August 20, 2014 at 1:28 am

   How did we get here? My Interview with a Sociopath: The Serial Murder.

   By the time I was in middle school I knew I was living out my life during the end times. Don’t get me wrong that incite didn’t drive me into the comforting arms of religion. Instead I found a measure of joy a calm my country the United States of America and the whole world as I saw it had been dammed to a long slow protracted death.
   The school nurse was the first to since I was different. She asked my parents if she could have me tested by the Psychology department at a University hospital. The tests the probing questions revealed very little. The longer the tests went on the more the doctors, my parents, classmate’s, other children’s parents began to push away from me. I believe that not being able to understand me frightened them. Soon the doctors wanted to keep me at the hospital.
   I was not at all afraid of losing my family and friends. I was never really attached to them. Awake or asleep I didn’t experience being happy or sad. I could not and did not experience joy or sorrow as others did. I felt nothing at all.
   My doctors said I was the perfect sociopath. The Doctors tried explained to me that I was different in ways they really didn’t understand. The more they tried to understand me the more I seemed remote and distant. One Doctor said I was a card board cut out of a human. I felt physical pain, enjoy the taste of food, all the usual pleasures of the physical world. As I grew older I seemed to enjoy sex, perhaps a little more that what would be considered normal. That is if there is a normal.
   What was missing was the part of a normal human that experienced love, compassion, pity, all the so called normal feelings humans feel for each other. As I explored this knowledge I came to the conclusion that I would spend every day of the rest of my life watching and experience my doctors, nurses, visiting family and friends thought I should be as a real normal human everyday person.
   At this point I decided to create a self to present to my doctors and others . Absent of a natural “real self” I began to make up, copy, act like, act as if, in general I mimic the actions of others. I was good at this and soon convinced the doctors I was a normal everyday human being. They were so proud of themselves. I had validated all their education, training, and wishful hopes and dreams. They were fulfilled I had completed them by pretending I was whatever it was they thought I should and could be.
   What the doctors and everyone else did not understand was instead of them healing me I had created them. I was in control. I had become the puppet master.

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